(A conversation between me and a girl friend of mine)
ME: (Continues from a previous chat) So, what’s your definition of love?
GIRL: Love is a deep feelings of affection u have for someone
ME: Can you also love your dog?
GIRL: I don’t have a dog, But I have seen people that has deep affections for there dogs. Don’t know if it’s that deep though
ME: Lol… You love your clothes right? Does it mean you have feelings for your clothes also?
GIRL: No. I just love them. Not deep feelings
ME: Then something is wrong about that definition. Do you get? Because it must apply across everything
GIRL: Ooh ok
ME: You remember God cammands us to love our neighbors right?
ME: Do you command a feeling?
GIRL: Not at all
ME: Can you beat a child and command him to feel happy?
ME: So, now you know love is not a feeling if God cammands it. So, next time you feel something, don’t call it love. It just feeling or affection
ME: Feeling comes and goes.
ME: Like you could feel like to eat now, and once you eat, that feeling goes. That’s how it is with feelings and affections. Once they are fed, they will naturally dwindle and die off. Reason why some relationships don’t work because it’s built around feeling
GIRL: yeah. Wow
ME: So, what then is love? Love can only be explained from the oldest book in the world. Every other books as we see today have given us the wrong definition.
Some say sex is love, love is feeling.
ME: Ephesians:5:28 & 29 “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherish it, even as the Lord the church:
The opposite of hate in that verse is “Nourish and Cherish” that comes after the contrasting conjunction “but”
And the opposite of hate is love.
So, love means to nourish and cherish.
Can you check the definition of those words, nourish and cherish and share with me?
Cherish is to protect and care for someone in a good way.
While nourish is to keep one in mind for a long time.
ME: There is another definition of nourish which talks about growth… Check it
GIRL: OK. It’s the act of providing food or other substances necessary for growth, good health and Good condition.
Can you join the two together to give a one definition of love?
GIRL: OK. Love is an act of protecting and caring for someone by providing food or other substances necessary for growth, good health and Good condition.🤪
Now that food may not literally means food. It could means anything that will make someone grow which could be advice, care, times, attention, affection, money, etc
ME: Especially the right way.
Love is when I know you want to be a model and everyday I keep inspiring you, and telling you that you can, and assist you when I can until you grow to be the model.
GIRL: Awwwwwwwwn. Exactly what it should be
ME: Especially, growth into your destiny
ME: That’s love
GIRL: Please, ride on sir
ME: So, love is “An act of caring for, protecting and providing the needs of the growth of a person in a committed way”
ME: Because if the person will definitely grow, it will take a long time… It’s not one day or one year something… Growth takes time. Love is accepting the time needed for the growth And being committed throughout the process.
Commitment is what keeps you together even when the feeling is not there.
Love is something you decide to. It’s a decision. It’s not something you fall into.
You don’t fall in love.
ME: Hollywood and Nollywood has spoilt our generation with the wrong definition of love.
GIRL: Yeah… It’s a pity I grew up with such definition in my head 😭😭
ME: Sorry dear. I too.
Thank God our eyes are open
So, lastly… Let’s discuss the types of love. Are you ready?
GIRL: I’m very ready. Wish I knew this all along
ME: Alright. 1st John 4:8 says “God is love” Ever heard that before?
GIRL: Yeah. God is love
ME: Yeah. God doesn’t have love. He is love personified. Look at your life… You’ll discover God has loved you committedly… He loved you until you grew to this point. He cares and protects you. Right?
GIRL: Yeah… Very well
ME: So, he’s the first person to copy from. Anybody who cannot express God to you is not expressing true love
ME: If God won’t take your dignity in the name of showing proof of love, any man that demands sex does not love you.
God is our example. A man who loves you must make you feel safe with him like God
GIRL: OK. But what if he doesn’t demand sex but u feel it’s right u guys go about it
ME: We’ll talk about that when we get to Sex. We’re still on love matter
ME: So, people says there are four types of love…
Have you heard that before?
ME: Haven’t you heard of “agape love”
GIRL: I have
ME: Phleo, sturge, and eros. They are the four kinds of love
GIRL: Not familia with them
ME: People call it types but it’s not correct because God has no types so love does not have types because God is love.
There are only four ways of expressing love according to 4 categories of people in your life.
Agape is an unconditional love to everyone. That’s the kind God cammands.
Sturge is the kind you have for your siblings and family members that makes you prefer them more than any other person. It is fueled by blood relationship.
Phleo is the friendship love you have for your friends that makes you feel and ease around them.
Eros is erotic. It’s the type you have for your partner than makes you desire intimacy.
The love is strictly according to persons
ME: Just as you won’t love a stranger as you love your siblings so also you ought not to love someone you’re not married to the kind of love you should have for your partner.
Done for the today!
GIRL: So soon? When I was longing for more.
ME: We’re done with love. Tomorrow we’ll talk on dating.
So, what’s our definition of love again?
GIRL: Love is an of caring, protecting and providing for the need of someone for growth in a committed way
ME: Lemme even give you an assignment sef… Will you do it?
GIRL: Gimme na… I will do it
ME: Okay. Have you read “waiting and dating by Myles Munroe?
ME: Okay. I’m sending it. You read one topic a day and we will discuss here at night
GIRL: Thanks alot for the Lecture… It’s really inspiring. God bless you
You can drop your questions and contributions.
Tomorrow, we are going to continue with dating.
You can also do the assignment. Get the book “Waiting and Dating by Myles Munroe” let’s study one chapter per day.
If you wish to be tagged along with my post on this series, drop your comment and I’ll tag you.
God bless you
– Dunamis Shiloh Okonwor
#DSO #love #relationship #dating #marriage